When He Doesn’t Text Back … When I tell people I write about relationships for a living, their first question is always: “So, what’s the most common relationship question you get?” The clear winner to that is: “Why do guys take so long to text back?” or why they don’t text back at all or what their texts mean… always something in the realm of texting.
Why did he initiate a conversation and then just disappear? Trust me, I’ve asked all the questions and have experienced the roller coaster of emotions that they produce. But why? Why do we get so wound up and stressed and anxious about texting? There is a lot of bad texting advice out there.
So here is the truth about why men don’t text back … and what you can do about it! Why Do Guys Take So Long to Text Back? This question has several answers … 1. Men are not good at multi-tasking. The first is the simplest and it comes down to the fact that most men simply just aren’t as good at multi-tasking as women.
Women, on the other hand, are much more fluid and can shift gears more seamlessly without completely losing focus. Many studies have demonstrated that women primarily gain their sense of worth and self-esteem through their interpersonal relationships. Men primarily gain their sense of worth through their ability to have an impact on the world, from their ability to be “winners.” So in the context of texting and relationships, a woman’s head is always in the relationship, even when she’s at work or doing something else.
Women can do this, men typically can’t, at least not the ones with demanding jobs. A guy may start out texting you all day, no matter how crazy his day is, but that will only happen in the early stages of a relationship and simply isn’t sustainable for the long term.
She wants to hear from him during the day because that makes her feel cared for and even when she’s at work, she can’t help but think about why he hasn’t texted just to say hi or see how her day is going. She really wants to text him because she likes him and wants to talk to him, but she doesn’t want to be the initiator so instead, she uses restraint and waits/hopes for him to text her … and then proceeds to panic when he doesn’t.
It’s nothing personal its just how we operate. However, If I’m thinking of you I’m definitely going to text you. If I don’t text you within like 12 hours then I don’t care about you. That’s just how it goes. – Brad, 28 Now you might want to ask … But he texted so much in the beginning, what happened? Well, in the beginning, he was trying to win you over so he brought his A-game.
He had a goal: winning you over. Once he won you, he didn’t need to pursue you so ardently and he could relax a bit. It just isn’t sustainable to text all day long for the reasons noted above. Once a relationship gets a little more settled, it just isn’t necessary and that’s the reason behind the decline.
They interpret the decrease in texts as a sign he’s losing interest and reflexively panic and become consumed by fear. As a result, she starts acting needy and is no longer the cool girl that captured his attention in the first place. Moral of the story: just relax! Nothing is wrong, he is just getting back into a more normal rhythm.
Men don’t talk for the sake of building a connection, they usually talk for the sake of achieving some sort of a goal or making a plan. A woman might get upset if she’s having a cute, banter type of back and forth with a guy and then he just stops responding, but this really means nothing! To her, going back and forth and being all cute and flirty was their way of connecting, but to him the conversation wasn’t moving toward anything and he just didn’t see a need to respond further.
When a guy doesn’t respond or gives quick, short responses, what it really means is … nothing at all! “Girls expect a response even to texts that don’t elicit a response. For instance, “I’m going to watch a movie tonight” is not a text that NEEDS a response. A better text is, “What movie should I watch?” If the guy doesn’t respond then he probably is busy.